Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Penis introductions

We went to the museum, a little boy was introducing himself to each person in the lobby then announcing "I have a penis!"

CAT scan

Took my 8 year old kid to a seminar. The speaker mentioned CAT scan. MY son jumped up and yelled "Computer Aided Topography by God!"


My son said to my mother, "if you're grandma, and your mom is great grandma, then her mom must have been fantastic."

A great day

Play fighting with my 4-year-old nephew. I fake death. He puts his foot on my chest and says solemnly, "This is a great day for my people."

Belly dragons

I used to wait tables. Once a mother complained of heartburn, and her son just nodded sagely and said, "It must be the belly dragons."

Little Wee Wee

I overheard my little cousin Logan and his father in the bathroom one day. Logan was in the process of being potty trained when he asked, "Daddy, why can't I pee out of my little wee wee?" With a tired sigh, my uncle replied, "That's your belly-button, son." (Logan has an outie, not an innie!)

over the moon

me: how could a cow jump over the moon?
you: simple.
me: but it's not biologically or scientifically possible.
you: And why might i ask is that?
me: because a cow just can't jump that far into outer space (or into outer space at all for that matter)
you: well if you were asking me in the beginning then why question my advice?
me :but it's not advice at all.
you : well what ever then ,just don't ask me if you don't want my opinion!

Chap Stick

My 4 yr old nephew was in the bathroom a really long time. When checked on, he had taken the chap stick out of the bathroom drawer and was putting it on the cats butt. When asked he said it looked chapped. When asked if he had done that before he replied all the time. He had been doing this and putting the chap stick back in the bathroom drawer without anyone knowing. Yuk!


My six year old sister came up to me and said "What do people taste like?"
I could only say that I didn't know and move on as I was busy with school work.
She thought about it then walked out.
She came back and asked "Do we eat people?"
I just about fell out of my chair laughing.

Poo pee

Parent: want to go tee tee?
Child: No!
parent: want to go poo pee?
child: No!
parent: want to go pookah? ( or whatever you word is for flatulence)
The child always erupts in laughter. Worked great for my 3.5 YO. She thought and then laughed at the joke about 10 times in a row until I decided to stop and make her and her sister ( who also laughed heartily ) leave the play palace with me at Burger King. My guess is that she evaluated solids, liquids, and gases, knowing that making gas did not require a trip to the potty.