Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Buy one!

Kieran, my 3 year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

Slimy creature

Today while gardening I found a really enormous grub, almost 3 inches long and half an inch thick, no idea what it was but it was interesting enough to show Miss 3. I let her play with it while I continued gardening.
Later I asked her if she had touched it, was it soft?
She nodded. "Yes, I patted it. It was really good for me. I like slimy creatures".


Miss 10: "who's a growly boy?"
Miss 3: "Wyan!"
Miss 10: "Who's a cute little boy?"
Miss 3: "Feo!"
Miss 10: "Who's an annoying little blonde haired girl?"
Miss 3: "ME!!"


Miss 10 has been writing things in her own "language", which looks very impressive.
Me: "is it just straight letter substitution?"
Her (without pausing): "yes"
Me: "do you know what substitution is?"
Her (long pause): "no ..."
After explaining to her what substitution meant and then taking a few pages of her coded writing away, we cracked it in about 2 hours - made somewhat harder by spelling errors, made-up words, wrong letters and several very similar symbols.
I can now write her notes in her own "language" and leave them for her to find.

Jumping food

I went to the supermarket the other day with Miss 3 and was just talking to myself, "we need milk, bread, and anything else that jumps out".
She pipes up with "I love jumpy food. Its yummy!"


Today my four year old sister tried to convince me that yes, she is ready to date, that she and James are getting married when they start school, and that I should wear my blue dress to their wedding.

Feed me?

This isn't something funny my nephew said, but rather did. He's 1 and terrified of my mother's mini schnauzer. So she was showing him the dog was ok by feeding her treats. So my mother asked my nephew if he wanted to try (thinking he'd like to feed the dog if he were brave enough) and he nodded and opened wide for a treat too.


I was reading a book recently.
Son: "Mama."
Me: Yes, honey? *distracted*
Son: "Mama, look at me!"
Me: *looks at his grinning face, 6 inches from mine*
Son: "SMILE at me!"
How can you resist that?

Long drive

We took our son on a trip that is usually 3.5 hours long, but can be much longer if you have a kid who is no longer in any sort of diaper/pull up.
Our son proclaimed he needed to "pee pee in BIG potty!" so we pulled over and my husband takes him to a tree and explains how little boys can pee pee outside on trees and it's OK to do if you have to go and you don't see a big potty. Our son goes and we are on our way. We get to the "hole-hell" (hotel ) and our son runs to the lobby and up to a fake tree where, yes you guessed it, he whips down his pants and proceeds to pee on this fake tree all while saying very loudly "Daddy said pee pee on tree!"

Don't die

So I found something in the back of the fridge that still looked like it was OK and decided to eat it against my partner's advice. I said "I die you know what to blame".
Miss 4 pipes up with "you can't die mum, we need you!"