Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Drive me crazy

me: you drive me crazy
master 3: I'm not driving you! I'M NOT DRIVING YOU! You are not a car, and you don't have a steering wheel on your tummy. I'm not driving you, you are not a car, you are mummy.
..can't debate his powers of reasoning, can we?

Clever pancakes

Last night I asked my 3yr old for the iPad to look at my pancake recipe, she replied "don't you know that my daddy is very clever and doesn't need the computer to make pancakes!" My husband uses a pancake bottle to make them! I was cooking them from scratch!

Egg moon

Master 4: It's the moon! It's like an egg!

Mollusc situation

When someone says something I most commonly say "in a mollusc situation"

Pickle sausages

Miss 5: I want a pickle
Me: But we're about to have sausages for dinner
Miss 5: But a pickle is like a sausage
Sausage shaped maybe, but a lot greener and tastes very different :)

Christmas presents

Various family members: "What did you get for Christmas?"
Master 3: "Presents"
Various family members: "What kind of presents?"
Master 3 (with that tone suggesting the person is rather stupid): "CHRISTMAS presents"

Christmas tree skirt

4 year old Jordyn said the reason the tree had a skirt was so you couldn't see its panties.

Ear blind

I was drying the boy's hair and he was saying "Stop! Stop! Stop!" When I wasn't, he said "What are you, ear-blind?"


After bath one night..."My butt crack is broken. Mommy, you washed away my protective layer of dirt."

Get the baby out!

My 4 year old cousin and his pregnant mom:
Mom: so what do you think we should do today?
4yo: hmm.. Ice cream, playground, or surgery to get the baby out!!!