You're pretty!
Thanks!
... pretty ugly

You're funny!
Thanks!
... funny looking

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What's worse than finding a grub in your apple?

A: Finding half a grub.

Person A: "Did you take a bath?"
Person B: "Why, is one missing?"

Q: Where do you go when there is a robber chasing you?
A: Safeway!!!