Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A1: A newspaper
A2: A sunburnt penguin
A3: A zebra with a rash

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What do you do with a green monster?

A: Put him in a bag until he ripens.

Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop.

Knock knock
Who there
Apple
Apple who
Apple who read a news paper