Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: How do you stop your dog from digging up your garden?

A: Take away his spade!

Student- Teacher, would you get upset at me if I told you something I did not do?
Tescher- No, why do you ask?
Student- Because I did not do my homework!!

Q: What kind of driver has no license?

A: Screwdriver!

Q: What did the snowman say to the carrot?

A: Get out of my face