Q: where do polar bears put their money?

A: in snow banks

Simon went up to the teacher and asked if could he go to the toilet. The teacher said spell your name backwards and Simon said 'nomis'.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What's big, grey and goes round and round?
A: An elephant stuck in a revolving door.

Q: What did the volcano say to the lava?

A: Hubba hubba, you're hot!