Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Skinny plaits

One morning i went into my daughter's room to wake her up for school and had my fringe plaited over to one side which i never do.
Daughter: Mum, why have you got a plait in your hair?
My answer: Because i have oily hair today and i am trying to disguise it.
Daughter: Mum, Plaits only look good on skinny people!!!

No!

When I exasperatedly said to my one year old “what part of "No" don’t you understand”, my three year old thought about it carefully and then responded "Maybe its the nnnnn part mummy".

Chickpeas

My neighbour's little boy was driving her mad, saying he wanted to eat "pixies".
Eventually she worked out what he actually wanted was "chickpeas"!
In our house now, and forever more I suspect, chickpeas are known as pixies.

Lady stuffing

There are so many funny things kids say, my nephews and nieces crack me up all the time. One of the best things I’ve heard one of them say was from my eldest nephew.
When he was just shy of 4 years old, my sister (his mum) was heavily pregnant with her youngest and happened to be wearing a pair of elastic-waisted trackies that were sitting quite low under her belly. At one stage during the day, my nephew grabbed her pants in an effort to steady himself and due to the fact that they were sitting so low he happened to cop an eye full of my sister's, umm, lady carpet. Fascinated, he asked my sister in all seriousness, "Mummy, is that your stuffing?"
Stifling laughter, my sister replied that it was.
My nephew then turned to our mum (his grandmother) and said "Nanny, do you have stuffing too?"
Mum replied that yes, she did have stuffing, because all grown up have stuffing. "Wow, can I see yours?" said my nephew as he tried to pull mum's pants down and have a look.
They had to explain to him that a grown up's stuffing was private and not something you asked about and looking in people's pants was not a nice thing to do!

Baby in tummy

Tried to explain to the toddler today that I have a baby in my tummy.
Many blank stares later, she tried to look up under my skirt!

They're teaching you wrong

Overheard at a restaurant tonight:
Mother: So, what did you learn in school today?
Son: (Excited) We learned to do one takeaway one!
Mother: Really? What is one takeaway one?
Son: (with obvious pride) Zero!
Mother: Are you sure?
Son: (slightly flustered) Uh, yeah ... Zero ...?
Mother: One takeaway one is ten. They're teaching you wrong, aren't they?

Washers

My toddler found some steel nuts and washers. She declared that the washers were "wheel screws". They're round and were in a jar of screws, that sounds like a very sensible way to describe them.

Innocence Personified

Several evenings ago I was talking to my new neighbour's son Jack, who likes to play with his cars in the sand in our back block, when it came time for me to leave, I said "See you later Jack, I must go and see if my wife needs me."
To which young Jack answered in all seriousness, as only a 5 year old can, "Are you going to give her a big kiss"?.... Hmmm,.... think quick.
The best thing I could come up with at such short notice was, "Only if she's been really good"... Jack nodded and gave me his approval"
I was dismissed.

Rocking cabbage

I was making coleslaw for dinner and had a quarter cabbage sitting on the table, cut sides up. My 2yo came up, started rocking it, and declared "is not cabbage. Is see-saw"
(a see saw is a teeter totter in some countries)

White dove

A: "Did you know there was a white dove at my school yesterday?"
M: "No, I wasn't at your school yesterday"
A: "It wasn't a galah."
M: "No, you just said it was a dove"
A: "It definitely wasn't a galah. It didn't look anything like a galah"
M: ...

Pages