Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
My two year old daughter is Clare who everyone calls Clare Bear. I’ve often said to her over the last two years are you a monkey or a bear and she’d say "Bear! Grrr" with claws and we’d both laugh.
The other day she floored me because when I asked if she was a monkey or a bear she said pointing to herself "Not Bear! Person!"
Dad to kids = Do not go on that bit of grass over there. I’ve just put poison on it and it will kill you.
Goes off to do something else. Son comes up a little while later.
Son = Daaadd, why can poison kill you?
Dad = because it has bad things in it.
Son thinks for awhile.
Son = what bad things does it have in it?
Dad = (getting fustrated) oh, I dunno, arsenic.
Son thinks on this a little while.
Son = Dad, who’s Nick???
I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
My daughter can talk under water. She never stops. She was in the shower the other night singing at the top of her lungs. I was listening in as she was cute.
She was singing: "I wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year."
then she goes "Good tidying to you"
and then stops and says out loud.
Good tidying, wonder what that means. Oh it must be 'cause you tidy your house before people come at Christmas.
My 13 year son (who attends a Catholic boys school) was required to prepare a mock console game to show his understanding of the roles of martyrs.
He came up with a 1st person shooter game with holy water grenades, bible bazookas and napalm Sunday. It was called Call of Deuteronomy IV.
Not sure what kind of mark he will get but it brought a smile to my face.
One morning i went into my daughter's room to wake her up for school and had my fringe plaited over to one side which i never do.
Daughter: Mum, why have you got a plait in your hair?
My answer: Because i have oily hair today and i am trying to disguise it.
Daughter: Mum, Plaits only look good on skinny people!!!
When I exasperatedly said to my one year old “what part of "No" don’t you understand”, my three year old thought about it carefully and then responded "Maybe its the nnnnn part mummy".
My neighbour's little boy was driving her mad, saying he wanted to eat "pixies".
Eventually she worked out what he actually wanted was "chickpeas"!
In our house now, and forever more I suspect, chickpeas are known as pixies.
There are so many funny things kids say, my nephews and nieces crack me up all the time. One of the best things I’ve heard one of them say was from my eldest nephew.
When he was just shy of 4 years old, my sister (his mum) was heavily pregnant with her youngest and happened to be wearing a pair of elastic-waisted trackies that were sitting quite low under her belly. At one stage during the day, my nephew grabbed her pants in an effort to steady himself and due to the fact that they were sitting so low he happened to cop an eye full of my sister's, umm, lady carpet. Fascinated, he asked my sister in all seriousness, "Mummy, is that your stuffing?"
Stifling laughter, my sister replied that it was.
My nephew then turned to our mum (his grandmother) and said "Nanny, do you have stuffing too?"
Mum replied that yes, she did have stuffing, because all grown up have stuffing. "Wow, can I see yours?" said my nephew as he tried to pull mum's pants down and have a look.
They had to explain to him that a grown up's stuffing was private and not something you asked about and looking in people's pants was not a nice thing to do!
Overheard at a restaurant tonight:
Mother: So, what did you learn in school today?
Son: (Excited) We learned to do one takeaway one!
Mother: Really? What is one takeaway one?
Son: (with obvious pride) Zero!
Mother: Are you sure?
Son: (slightly flustered) Uh, yeah ... Zero ...?
Mother: One takeaway one is ten. They're teaching you wrong, aren't they?