Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Daily RDI of fat

We had just baked a quiche with a new recipe for the first time and were examining it as it came out of the oven.
When we turned around we found the baby had grabbed the tub of margarine, opened it, and was happily sitting there eating it while we weren't looking.

Round buckle

I was wearing a top with a big round buckle at the front. My toddler declared it "is wheel". I said "no, its a buckle". So she replied "No, is not puckle, is circle".


Our toddler is firmly in tune with the word "no" now, and has the concept of ownership too. The other day, she stole a sausage off the bbq and wandered off with it. I asked her for a bite. The response?
"No. Is for babies. Is mine"
We always tell her things she's not allowed to have are "not for babies" so that one is coming back on us!

God who?

Out of the blue, my 9yo daughter announces "are you allowed to believe in something that noone has proven exists?"
me "er, yes"
her: "so am I allowed to believe in God then?"

Dark forces

Alec at about 4 and a half came out to the verandah, pointed out into the dark (on the property in the middle of nowhere) and looked back at his mother & said "There are dark forces out there mum... dark forces..."

Bear or person?

My two year old daughter is Clare who everyone calls Clare Bear. I’ve often said to her over the last two years are you a monkey or a bear and she’d say "Bear! Grrr" with claws and we’d both laugh.
The other day she floored me because when I asked if she was a monkey or a bear she said pointing to herself "Not Bear! Person!"


Dad to kids = Do not go on that bit of grass over there. I’ve just put poison on it and it will kill you.
Goes off to do something else. Son comes up a little while later.
Son = Daaadd, why can poison kill you?
Dad = because it has bad things in it.
Son thinks for awhile.
Son = what bad things does it have in it?
Dad = (getting fustrated) oh, I dunno, arsenic.
Son thinks on this a little while.
Son = Dad, who’s Nick???

Big sister love

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

Good tidyings to you

My daughter can talk under water. She never stops. She was in the shower the other night singing at the top of her lungs. I was listening in as she was cute.
She was singing: "I wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year."
then she goes "Good tidying to you"
and then stops and says out loud.
Good tidying, wonder what that means. Oh it must be 'cause you tidy your house before people come at Christmas.

Bible bazookas

My 13 year son (who attends a Catholic boys school) was required to prepare a mock console game to show his understanding of the roles of martyrs.
He came up with a 1st person shooter game with holy water grenades, bible bazookas and napalm Sunday. It was called Call of Deuteronomy IV.
Not sure what kind of mark he will get but it brought a smile to my face.