Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


The baby's new word is "hat". It just means anything that goes on your head.
It is very cute seeing her sit there with her bowl upside-down on her head announcing "Hat! Hat!", or when she puts her sippy cup or a shoe on your head and declares it to be a hat.


Aisha spotted a political magazine with a picture of a middle-eastern woman wearing a full length burka.
She pointed to it excitedly and said "is that a ninja?!"

Dark ducks

The baby is learning a word a day - today's word is "dark" but it has mixed meanings.
You get "dark" when you turn off the light switch (which she calls a "hoo-hoo").
But then you get "darks". Darks go "quack quack quack".

Change the sheets

Funniest thing said to me was about 30 years ago. I was minding the two-and-a-half year old next door child when I said I was going to change the sheets.
She looked at me sympathetically and said "did you wet the bed?"

Real mummy

Master Four had a nightmare the other night and wanted his 'real mummy', he was convinced that I was a pretend mummy that had been taken over by an 'alien life force' and I had to answer a series of VERY technical questions and sing our special song just to convince him it was me! 45 minutes later... perhaps it was the fact that I was wearing no makeup... hmmmmm....

No contest

"Daddy, who would in a fight between god and superman?"

It happens

When i was 3 i used to sit on my blow up chair and my brother accidently sat on me and the chair blew up! I ended up on the floor splat on top of the blown up chair. My mother says "Don't worry honey, it happens." Now i think who has it happened to?!

No hair

A friend of mine had chemo and lost all her hair. She went to her letterbox to get the mail. The little girl next door (5 yrs old) said to her "Did you dye your hair bald".

4 year old astronomy

Leaning back with her head on my shoulder looking heavenward, Caelyn, says with an awe-struck sigh, "Poppy, I love the smell of the stars."

Vegetarians live longer!

"If you became a vegetarian when you are 40, and you live until you are 90, you live for 50 more years!"
... soooo ... what's that got to do with being a vegetarian?