Funny things kids say

Mama, I hope that someday you get better at doing what I want you to do.

Mark followed me into the bathroom, as usual.
Mark: "You don't stand up to pee?"
Me: "No, I don't."
Mark: "Can I see your penis?"
Me: "I don't have a penis."
Mark "You DO have a penis."
Me: "No, I don't."
Mark: "Do you have a penis on your butt?"
I can't stop laughing, but really don't want to talk about my vagina with him, because he will probably mention it to a random stranger at some point.
I finally say "Girls don't have a penis, they have a vagina."
Mark: "You live in China?"

The funniest thing my son has said in a while (unless you count calling Grover "fucker" in front of the whole family at Christmas) was last night. We co-sleep. My husband farted. We weren't quite asleep yet, but we thought my son was until he sat up and said:
Son: Da-da! That was Da-da's butt!
I laughed so hard my son got hyper again and it took a long time for any of us to go to sleep.

My son asked me if I thought he was a good singer and I told him that he is....Then I asked..."Is Mommy a good singer?" To which he replied "No, but it's probably just your voice...Maybe your lungs"

Maddox: Mama, if you will be the grandma to my kids, who will my wife be?
Me: I don't know. You will have to find her. Do you have any ideas about who she might be?
Maddox: No... Who will be the grandpa?
Me: Your daddy.
Maddox: Oh... Well, who will be the dad, then?
Me: You.
Maddox: Well, what will my dad think about that?

Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

At the grocery store with Tru today, I noticed a yummy-looking package of flatbread with cilantro and cumin. I commented out loud that I could probably make that myself. Tru said, "SUUUURE you could, Mommy." I laughed. "Tru! Are you being sarcastic?!" Tru said, "Yep."

My four-year-old announced to me the other day that when he's ten, he'll play football. He then continued to tell me that he would be on the field and the pretty girls would stand next to him, and when he walked by, they'd say, "You're so big!" To which he'd reply, "Yes, I am!"

I was in a third grade science class today. They were discussing minerals and where they are found and such. The teacher asked "Ok, so we now know what mines are. What do we call the people who work in the mines?"
One brave little girl raised her hand and said "Gold diggers!"

When my oldest son was 4, he was helping my brother put a new shower in our bathroom. It was hot and my brother took off his shirt. Eddie took his off too, saying "Uncle Larry, we take off our shirts when we do man work because we have testicles!"
We got home an hour later, and Larry was still on the floor laughing.

My grandmother was a first grade teacher who retired in the 80s. She was born in 1930 and is extremely prim and proper. The were talking about the concept of "pair" one day like this:
pair of eyes!
pair of ears!
pair of feet!
All was well until a little boy jumps up and yells "pair of testicles!"

Rachel (23 months) has a favorite game called "What's this?" The other day she was sitting with me on my bed. (Now the rest of the story is much funnier if you understand that I have very large breasts.) She pointed to one of my breasts and says, "What's this?"
Being in a very silly mood, I replied, "Boob." She thought for a second, pointed to the other breast and repeats, "What's this?"
"Boob," I replied.
Rachel thinks for a minute, smacks both of my breasts and exclaims, "Balloons!"

Grace is playing Barbies with Juliana and keeps cracking herself up. She would make the dolls talk to each other, then just start giggling. I asked, "What's so funny, Froufy?" "I is antagonizing the princesses!" ::giggles ensue::

We were listening to the radio in the car today. I usually have it tuned to the Christian station, becase I'm a big dork. Well, today a song came on and my son asked, "Mom, is that Jesus singing?". Very amusing mental image.

"To love is to love, but to love a lover is beyond love."

My class was studying shapes, so we went outside and did a shape walk. The students decided to make a book of shapes that we found in the environment. At the end, I asked them what they had learned. Two girls piped up, loud and clear, "Shapes are everywhere!" Followed by, "Yeah, you can't get away from them, just like girls. They're everywhere."

Whilst driving along we passed a house which had concrete covering the bricks. The concrete was painted a rather horrible bright blue colour. My daughter enquired:
"Daddy, how does a house made of paint stay up?"

My daughter was walking past me and said "bonjour" instead of "goodbye". I told her that bonjour meant "hello". So she went "Oh. Anti-bonjour then!"

My daughter played eye spy with nan. She said I spy something yellow. Nothing yellow in the car. Nan gives up. Girl says your teeth.

when my daughter saw a boy's willy when she was 3, she pointed at it and declared "You've got a silly bottom!"