Q: What kind of teacher doesn't fart in public?

A: A private tutor

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: Did you here about the man who lost his left arm and his left leg?

A: Oh, he is all right.

Q: Why is it hard to play cards in the desert?

A: Too many cheetahs!

Q: why did the cheese cross the road?

A: to get cheesed out