Funny things kids say

Our toddler was quietly playing in the lounge and I was watching her. She was using cotton reels as people, upside-down plastic bowls as umbrellas, and she was making it rain on them. She was having a great time.
The problem? She was using a cookie as rain - crumbling it up in her hands and sprinkling crumbs all over her cotton reel people!

Grandson: "Grandma, my penis is standing up. And it feels good!"
Grandma: "thats nice dear.. tell your mom all about it when you get home"

Mom: "How do I look in this dress I just bought?"
5yo daughter: "Like a tramp"
*stunned silence*
5yo daughter: "What, grandma says it all the time"

Loud voice hollering from her bedroom, two rooms away ... "MUUUUUUUUUM there's no music coming out of my radio". Doesn't come in here to even see if I'm inside the house or not. So I ignored her completely.
Within 30 seconds, the toddler comes into the study, looks me in the eye (something her older sister rarely does) and announces "Mum. No moosic. Radio gone". So of course I went in there to fix it.
Turns out someone had turned the volume down.

My toddler calls millipedes nanopedes.
It sounds like some kind of fancy new multi-legged robot.

I caught our toddler picking off and eating the dried, crusty bits of sauce around the edge of the lid of a barbeque sauce bottle. I said, "don't do that, that's disgusting"
to which she replied, "No. Is yummy." and kept right on eating ...

When I play hide and seek with my friends I have to hide, but if I don’t want to be seen by grown-ups I just have to be quiet.

Miss Almost-3 decided it was time for dinner. She got the carrots out of the fridge, the chopping board out of the cupboard, peeler and knife out of the drawer, and decided we were having carrots with dinner. One of the carrots fell off the table so I asked her to pick it up.
She replied, "No. I'm too little."

Our toddler was trying to put a polka-dotted dress on and was having some issues. She had it inside-out, and the spots are only printed on the outside. In a very upset voice she wailed "it's not spotty!"

Him: "Grandpa, you have hair in your nose."
Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"

Toddler in the bath.
"I digging for treasure! Dig dig dig dig dig!"
*pauses and rummages in the bottom of the bath and comes up with a toy car*
"Look! I finded a treasure!"

Overheard in the bath:
"You've got a bottom!"
"That's not a bottom, that's a penis."
"No, you've not got peanuts!"

Our toddler spotted a bruise on my leg.
"You've got a bruise! You need to take the bruise out. You need the tweezers!"

I was about to make myself some toast from some frozen bread and I must have got sidetracked somewhere between getting the bread out of the freezer and putting it in the toaster.
I turned around when I heard a little voice say "I need to eat the cold bread" just in time to spot a small figure disappearing off with my untoasted breakfast.

I caught the toddler rubbing herself all over with a half eaten sausage.
When I told her not to do that, she told me "is not sausage, is sunscreen!" and went right back to rubbing.

Miss 9 came in with a slinky that was noticeably warped and twisted.
She announced "its a bit bent but there's nothing wrong with it" and then marched back out again.

I was having a bath with miss almost 3 when she wanted to get out and go to the toilet. I told her to be very careful, the floor will be wet and slippery.
She had a think about that, and said "the ceiling isn't slippery". I said "but you don't usually walk on the ceiling". She replied "I like walking on the ceiling!"

Miss almost 3 cut her finger and I put a bandaid on it yesterday because it was bleeding quite a bit.
Today she wanted it taken off. When I took it off, there was just a little scab and she excitedly told me "the blood's gone back in my finger!"

I was renovating the bathroom.
Miss 3 asks me "what's that?"
I reply "that's a tube of silicon".
Miss 3 excitedly replies "dat's a tube of skeletons!"

Miss 3 was in the bath.
She announced "I not Cassandra. I a Cassiefish!" with a huge grin on her face.