Funny things kids say

Boy: (crying) No!! Please , don't make me get a shot, it's going to hurt!!
Nurse: It's going to be okay! You have to get one of these so you can grow up to be as big as your daddy.
Boy: (smacking himself on the forehead) Oh NO. My daddy is short!

A boy is laying in bed with his dad when his mom changed the channel on the TV for them.
Mom: Is that the right channel?
Dad: Yes, that's the right one.
Son: NO, Mommy, that is not the right channel.
Mom: Yes, it is. Daddy said that is the channel he wants.
Son: Well, then put it on the LEFT channel, Mom.

If you break your gluteus maximus, will you get constipated?

I had the two girls (9 and 2) in the bath together. After the bath, the bigger one announces "She kept kissing me! She stuck her TONGUE in my mouth! And she wiggled it around like a WORM! And she KEPT DOING IT!"
The next day, the little one was doing her best to French kiss *me*. Argh!

Our 2.5yo is toilet training. This morning she came marching up to me with a potty with wee *and* poo in it, swirling it around, and announced "Look! Swimming poo!"

I walked past my toddler sitting on the potty, intently reading a book. A few moments later she rushed up to me, very excited, and said "I've finished the wee! Yay! I won!"
I wonder what she thought she'd won?

When his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens, he said: "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom."

My toddler has a new little brother. She's very cute with him. When I am trying to feed him, she'll come up, give him a big hug and announce "I WUV the baby!"

My 2yo has started telling stories. They are cute.
She always tells us in the evening that it is "getting dark soon" and when she wakes up early we tell her it "isn't morning yet" so she told us how the day progresses - "Dark dark dark morning morning morning the end!"
She also thought going to the doctor was fun. (it was for her baby brother but they have toys there so its still fun)
"Once upon a time I went to the doctor the end!"
Now updated to:
"Once upon a time a little girl went to the doctor the end!"

Some years ago, Pam, a family friend, used to clean the house and look after the local Chemists children. The youngest was looking at herself in the mirror and Pam said, "Look at that little girl, she's wearing a pretty dress just like yours". Whereupon Clare looked up at her somewhat askance and says, "Don't be silly Pammy, that's just my infection"

We have TV set up through a computer with a TV-out card. This morning, the computer rebooted for no apparent reason (not unheard of for a Windows computer).
Our toddler got very upset and complained "The TV is being a pooter!"

Our toddler opened the fridge and noticed we have bananas. She announced:
"Got nanas! Nanas so good! Nanas so good in my tummy!"

Our toddler fell over outside and came in with a bleeding toe. Once she'd calmed down, she described what happened:
"I falled over outside. My toe got blood. Is red! I got sad."

I get woken up each day by a small person saying "I'm back! It's very morning!"

I was looking at my roses, and they had aphids all over the new flower buds. I said "this is the problem with roses, they taste good".
My toddler piped up with:
"Tastes good in my mouth! Tastes good in Aisha's mouth too!"

My toddler brought the junk mail inside. She put it all on the table but a catalogue of "boobies" that she gave to me. It was a bra catalogue.
I'm breastfeeding, so my boobies are quite a point of conversation in this house :)

My toddler went up to the cat this evening, pointed at her, and said in her best bossy voice
"You need to say 'meow' now".
The cat did not oblige.

Mum, the TV's being a bit naughty!

"Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!"

I was julienning some carrots the other day and my toddler was demanding bits of carrot. Then she started naming them after people in the family, so I was giving her bits of carrot cut to size - she was a short bit of carrot, dad is a long bit etc. She was happily playing with the carrot people while I cut up the other vegetables.
When I finished I noticed she had no carrots left. So I asked "where is everyone hiding?". She replied "they is hiding in my tummy!"