Funny things kids say

While we were on holiday, Miss 3 needed to poo at Great Grandma's house but refused to use her toilet. So we took her back to Grandma's house. She refused to use that toilet or the potty either, so we decided to go home early. Same story at every public toilet we stopped at on the way home, with lots of complaints about her "stuck poo".
She eventually pooped after we got home, and announced "my bottom is awake now!"

My daughter at 2 yrs old....she hurt her toe.... knowing it wasn't that bad, she kept saying I hurt my toe mommy...LOOK!
Finally she said to me MOMMY I hurt my all the way home toe!!!

"mom why am I grounded"
"because you are being a butthead"
"When can I be un grounded"
"when you're not a butthead"
"but mom that could be forever" (no lie)

Miss 3 has been going on about her clothes being "scratchy" for so long we have got to the point of ignoring any complaints about scratchiness, since nothing fixes her perceived problems.
However, yesterday she was complaining that her foot was scratchy and she wasn't wearing shoes or socks. On closer examination, we found the cause of the scratchiness. It was ... wait for it ... a scratch. Easy fixed with a band-aid.

Miss 10 didn't notice one of our trees had been cut down, so we sent her outside to look.
When she came back in, she said "all I see is maths! Maths maths maths maths maths!"
*blank stare from us*
"You know, maths. Fractions. The tree is in pieces. Maths!"

Small child in bath, acting out the plastic dolphin: "I've got hiccups. Its cold in the water. Its freezing. Good thing I have my fin coat on. I love my fin coat. It keeps me nice and warm."

Miss 3 has decided she doesn't like tap water, especially not when there is orange juice in the house.
Miss 3: "I don't wuv this water"
Me: "why not?"
Miss 3: "Little brother pooped in it. He weally weally needs to poop and he couldn't find the toilet, all he could find is my bottle, so he taked the wid off and he pooped in it."
This translates loosely to "I want some orange juice"
What can you say to that?

Miss 3 was counting to herself.
"One two fee! I'm fee years old! My little brother is one year old! I win!"
Never knew getting older was a race.

Today Miss 3 tells me "Last night, when I was in bed, I was dreaming that the car was driving by itself."
She wouldn't tell me where the car drove itself to.

Miss 3 was playing in the bath with a plastic sheep. I told her "sheep don't like water". So she informed me in all seriousness that it was a sea sheep, and it loves the water.

Miss 3 came inside and flopped down on the couch, grotty shoes and all.
I asked her to take her shoes off.
The reply? "No, you do it. I can't. I'm sitting now."

Miss 3 came out of the toilet with an empty toilet roll.
I didn't think we needed a new roll yet so I asked her how much toilet paper she used.
Her answer?
"Much and much."

Miss 3 was caught standing on some of her toy cars. When told not to stand on her toys, she got very upset and wailed "but I'm trying to make ice skates!"

We were at the cemetary, and some of the graves had little glass domes on them, which presumably once held flowers. My daughter was fascinated by them, and asked "mum, is that where they put the heads?"

Miss 3 came up to me outside and said "There are bees on your flowers. I looked at them. They looked very stingy."
Yes, bees do sting.

Kieran, my 3 year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

Today while gardening I found a really enormous grub, almost 3 inches long and half an inch thick, no idea what it was but it was interesting enough to show Miss 3. I let her play with it while I continued gardening.
Later I asked her if she had touched it, was it soft?
She nodded. "Yes, I patted it. It was really good for me. I like slimy creatures".

Miss 10: "who's a growly boy?"
Miss 3: "Wyan!"
Miss 10: "Who's a cute little boy?"
Miss 3: "Feo!"
Miss 10: "Who's an annoying little blonde haired girl?"
Miss 3: "ME!!"

Miss 10 has been writing things in her own "language", which looks very impressive.
Me: "is it just straight letter substitution?"
Her (without pausing): "yes"
Me: "do you know what substitution is?"
Her (long pause): "no ..."
After explaining to her what substitution meant and then taking a few pages of her coded writing away, we cracked it in about 2 hours - made somewhat harder by spelling errors, made-up words, wrong letters and several very similar symbols.
I can now write her notes in her own "language" and leave them for her to find.

Miss 3 has been industriously emptying her entire wardrobe every day and then filling it with toys. This has been driving me completely nuts, as it takes quite some time to re-hang clothes back on wardrobes and put peg puzzles back on their boards.
The latest time she did it and I told her off was quite funny.
Me: Stop taking your clothes out of your wardobe!
Her: NO.
Me: *stunned silence*
Her: You need to put a wock (lock) on it. There's a wock on the bathroom door. You need to put a wock on my cupboard.
I think she's right.