Funny things kids say

This morning our dog was barking at everyone and everything. I said "Put a sock in it will you!" My son said "put your socks on will you!"

Our toddler had dragged a chair up to the pantry again and was rummaging around in there. I told her to get out of there and close the door. Her reply?
"No mummy, I'm looking for chocolate".

Tonight my eldest daughter was complaning she had to turn the TV up to get over the noise of the heater. We told her just to turn off the heater and put more clothes on so she doesn't deafen us with the TV from the next room ...
My partner said "look at you, you're only wearing a t-shirt. I'm wearing THREE tops".
I said "I'm wearing a jumper".
Toddler says "I'm wearing naked!"
And yes, she wasn't wearing anything at the time.

We bought a different brand of nappies for our toddler. The packet had lots of pictures of a baby playing with a large purple ball all over it. Our toddler spotted the packet and was very agitated, and insisted we open the packet of balls for her to play with.
She was so insistent and didn't believe us that it was just nappies in the packet, so we had to open the packet and take some of the nappies out just to prove to her that it was not, in fact, a packet of balls.

My twelve year old son recently asked me if the top of our ceiling fan was carpeted. It was a little dusty.

Our toddler is sick. She spent most of this morning on the loungeroom floor whimpering and falling asleep, waking up and whimpering again. We finally managed to get her to have some children's panadol (paracetemol) saying "here, drink this, it'll make you feel better".
So when she FINALLY drank it, it worked really well, and now she's trotting around the house with the measuring cup asking "I need more feel better?"

Cousin1: Daniel when you grow up you're going to have a hairy belly! *giggles*
Cousin2: *looks puzzled* Why?
Cousin1: *shrugs* I dunno my Dad has a hairy belly...
Cousin2: My Dad doesn't...... *ponders*......But he has a hairy willy!

My 6 year old was being cocky and back-chatty the other day and i jokingly said if he didn't quit the back chatting i would beat him. He turned to look at me, looked me up and down and with a withering stare said "pah, you couldn't beat an egg" - i couldn't pick him up on his blatant continuation of back-chat cos i was giggling too much.

My daughter also once asked me when she saw a disabled man without a leg, if he had lost his leg. Then she asked me why didn't he buy a new one?

Kids do really embarrassing things, my nicee was at the cinema when she realised the woman sitting next to us was super obese and having 2 drinks and a mega pack of sweets. She then said "that lady is really fat, maybe she has too many sweets?"

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!"

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ……and into the hole he gooooes."

My son, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago"
Ewww ...

After my wife’s grandmother died, we explained to our three-year-old that when we went to the funeral home, Grandma would be there, but it would just be her body. My daughter thought for a second and then asked, What about her head?

I was babysitting my four year old niece and she was in her room for time-out after breaking one of her mom’s antiques. After being in there for about 20 minutes, she came out wearing a different outfit, her mom’s high heels and she used a fake accent to tell me that "she wasn’t the girl who broke anything, she was a different girl and she didn’t want to be in that room anymore."

"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!"

Our friend has about 14wks of pregnancy to go, her little bloke (2yrs) was laying on her belly when the new bub elbowed him. He gets up, lines up with his little fist clenched, frowns at her belly and says "My punch you back!"

I'm out in the backyard, it's summer. 4 year old nephew has the hose, and he wants to soak his father. A little ways away, I've got the hose and can crimp it. Every time he goes to get his father wet, the flow of water "mysteriously" stops. So he looks down the hose. The flow of water "mysteriously" starts. After about three times, he goes up to his father and says, "Dad, look in here".

A friend of mines little son was walking funny one day. When his mum asked him what was wrong, he said " I have itchy scissors ". When asked what and where these scissors were he replied, "You know the bit that cuts off your poos!!!". Makes me laugh writing it.

Care provider, to little boy: Every time you go to the potty, I have to come in behind you and mop the floor. Why can't you just put all your pee-pee in the potty like the other little boys in class?
Little boy: Lady, do you know how hard it is to guide one of these things!?