Funny things kids say

When I exasperatedly said to my one year old “what part of "No" don’t you understand”, my three year old thought about it carefully and then responded "Maybe its the nnnnn part mummy".

My neighbour's little boy was driving her mad, saying he wanted to eat "pixies".
Eventually she worked out what he actually wanted was "chickpeas"!
In our house now, and forever more I suspect, chickpeas are known as pixies.

My little boy will get an orange and ask "can you take the jacket off?"

There are so many funny things kids say, my nephews and nieces crack me up all the time. One of the best things I’ve heard one of them say was from my eldest nephew.
When he was just shy of 4 years old, my sister (his mum) was heavily pregnant with her youngest and happened to be wearing a pair of elastic-waisted trackies that were sitting quite low under her belly. At one stage during the day, my nephew grabbed her pants in an effort to steady himself and due to the fact that they were sitting so low he happened to cop an eye full of my sister's, umm, lady carpet. Fascinated, he asked my sister in all seriousness, "Mummy, is that your stuffing?"
Stifling laughter, my sister replied that it was.
My nephew then turned to our mum (his grandmother) and said "Nanny, do you have stuffing too?"
Mum replied that yes, she did have stuffing, because all grown up have stuffing. "Wow, can I see yours?" said my nephew as he tried to pull mum's pants down and have a look.
They had to explain to him that a grown up's stuffing was private and not something you asked about and looking in people's pants was not a nice thing to do!

I woke my daughter up on her first day of grade two. She opened her eyes, stretched and yawned and exclaimed "Next year I’m in grade three!".

My 9 year old daughter had been banned from playing her DS for a week, and as there were only "baby shows" on TV which her sisters were watching, and all of her books were "boring Mum", I asked her what she would be interested in researching if I gave her a project to do. She chose snakes. I dutifully wrote her some questions, and she went away and worked on it for a good hour, during which time I finished up everything I was doing and had taken off to the supermarket to pick up some stuff for dinner. Anyway, as I walked through the door she raced up to me excitedly and presented me with her project, all questions answered in paragraph form and illustrated beautifully. She's bursting with excitement; "Quick Mummy, mark it for me" (I'm a teacher)
I didn't get past the first line before I nearly stopped breathing:
Question 1. What is the most venomous snake in the world?
Answer: The most venomous snake in the world is the Trouser Snake. It is found all over the world and lives in trousers.

One day I decided to give my kids some sex education (my wife was too chicken) Our daughter was 8 and our son was 6. I was going quite well, but then I mentioned mum and dad had sex sometimes, not to have children, but for enjoyment. My daughter replied "What ... in *this* house?" She stormed off into her bedroom, packed her school case, and wanted to leave home ! I followed her around the block, and talked her into returning home after she cooled off. Our son was more concerned about his sister. "Is she coming home dad?" The next day, everything returned to normal. Overall, I figured it was pretty painless ...

Discussing physical characteristics, hair and eye colour with my three year old.
"What colour are your eyes?"
"Hazel"
"What colour are mummy's eyes?"
"Blue", etc through the family.
Then, "What colour are Grandma's eyes?"
"Old!"

If I had a million dollars I would buy a house with big robot legs!

Four years ago. My daughter 2.5 and son 4.5yo. Morning, me and the kids are playing birthday party. We are having lots of singing and blowing fake candles on a fake birthday cake. At the end I pretend cutting the cake and putting on my kids plates imaginary pieces. My son (always jealous that his sister has everything better that him) is saying to my daughter: "oh, you have got a bigger piece, let's swap the plates"

My 3yo wanted nutri-grain for breakfast – which isn't the easiest word for a 3yo to say. He was saying some word I could not for the life of me work out so I asked him what does it look like.
He said it was the colour of nanna's dog with 3 holes in it. I immediately knew what he meant!

My daughter was trying to get me to get married.
"If you get married, you need to get the divorce as well. If I got married, I'd get the divorce just before I died so he doesn't have to worry about me."

Our cat brings in mice to play with before she eats them on a fairly regular basis. Last night we were all sitting in the hallway watching the cat, and the mouse ran away from the cat and hid next to our toddler.
Toddler declares the mouse to be her "friend", and after the cat ate the mouse she went around looking for her "mouse friend".

I remember taking my youngest to the park one day and while we were there a squirrel appeared. Now at that stage she had only seen cats, dogs, cows and horses and you could practically hear the wheels grinding away in her brain. Which one is it?
Eventually she came to a decision and, much to the delight of all around, she pointed at the squirrel and shouted, "Doggie!"
The squirrel was not impressed.

I was wanting to prune a tree outside and couldn't find my pruning saw, so I was muttering to myself "where's my saw".
My toddler went rushing off inside and came back with two dinosaurs. She declared "Saurs! I found it! Saurs!"
Not quite what I needed, but she was trying to help :)

My daughter was telling me about her class and the pandas at the zoo, Wang Wang and Funi.
Her: "EVERYONE is going to see Wang Wang and Funi"
Me: "Everyone?"
Her: "Yeah, like 51% of the class is going"
Me: "That's not everyone"
Her: "Well 80% of the class has already seen them"

I changed my daughter's nappy after a long drive and told her "you wear nappies when we go out and use the potty at home". She replied "Yeah! I a good girl now!"
So cute!

Our toddler has recently lost the word 'cat' from her vocabulary and substituted it with 'carrot'. So every morning, she gets up, goes to our cat sleeping on the couch, and says "good morning pussycarrot".

Last night my daughter was systematically removing the magnets from the fridge (and I have a lot of fridge magnets) and posting them out through the cat flap. I was watching her, bemused, for a while and then asked "are you putting those magnets outside?" She stopped what she was doing, looked at me seriously, went "no, mummy" and then resumed posting the magnets outside.

When I was 3, my Mum took me shopping. As we were walking around the shopping centre a man walked past with a trolley full of beer and wine, so in my loudest voice I said "Mum look! That man is an alcoholic!" Apparently the man gave my mum an awful look and she turned bright red.