Funny things kids say

Earlier, Sean was being really squirmy while sitting in Daddy's lap. He wanted daddy's drink, he wanted to type on daddy's computer.. anything that daddy was doing, he wanted to do.
Finally, dad - getting frustrated - says, Sean! Do you have ants in your pants!?
Sean quickly looks pulls his pants down to show daddy and says calmly, "No, daddy. I do not have ants in my pants!"

Daddy: just so you know, the world does not revolve around you.
Daughter: ! No, Dad, you're just saying a joke. Hahaha! You're funny, Daddy.

Can you turn the dark off please?

My son likes to pick up the 'Day of the dead' DVD and tell the zombie on the back 'NO BITING.'

N and I were discussing how to make new paint colors by mixing others.
Me: What do you get if you mix red and yellow?
N: Orange!
Me: Blue and red?
N: Purple!
I start marveling over what a smart little guy he is. But then I asked,
Me: What do you get if you mix all the colors together?
N: A monkey!

My 2.5 year old niece was trying to roll up the carpet in the family room yesterday to play on the bare floor. The family dog was laying on the carpet, and was uninclined to move. After coaxing and pleading, she sighed, and said, "I'll just jump on her tail. That'll get her to move."
Fortunately for the dog, my mom suggested throwing a tennis ball instead.

Son: Mommy? I want to be a boss kid when I get bigger.
Me: Oh yeah? What do you want to be the boss of?
Son: Of the whole world!
Me: ...
Son: Well, you and dada can still be the bosses with me.

It is very hot here (well, hot for where we live) and we have no air conditioning. Tonight, my girls really wanted me to perform a song for their dad with them. We had just come back from the pool, and I had taken off my suit and just put on a very light sundress with nothing underneath, since I was so miserably hot. I agreed to do the song with them and jokingly said, "Am I dressed appropriately?" to which my daughter quickly replied, "As long as you don't show your vagina."
I went and put on some underwear, just in case.

Yesterday we went to the fair and she was loving this cow and talking to it and mooing at it, and there was a guy standing nearby who said, "She's going to be milked in about 15 minutes over there if you want to come watch."
So after we had looked at a few more animals we went and watched the milking demonstration. It was fascinating, he didn't do it by hand he had a trailer with a professional type hook-up and he talked about how they do it at the big dairies. But anyway, the demonstration got all done and we were leaving and I said to her, "Now you know where milk comes from."
She replied, "Yes, from cow's butt."

We went through Wendy's drive-thru and ordered kids meals for the 6 and 3 year old. One started whining because he wanted a "BIG burger" and I eventually gave in. Handing him the sandwich I said "There, does this fulfill your dreams?" He looked at the sandwich, looked at me and said "Actually, my dreams are a little bigger then this."

My daughter has a stuffed donkey and a stuffed siamese looking cat that she sleeps with. When I went in to get her up from her nap today she told me, "Donkey very mad." I asked her why donkey was so mad, and she answered, "Meow have chocolate tail!"
Poor donkey has tail envy.

Back when my brother was attempting to get his 3yo son to give up dummies (pacifiers): "We’re going to send them to the poor children that don’t have any."
3yo replied, "Get mummy to make them some cookies instead."
I did enjoy his logic!

My son was just sitting next to me, scratching his head with his foot, but holding his foot in his hand.
Me: Why are you scratching your head with your foot?
Son: Because it itches.
Me: But why are you using your foot?
Son: Because my head itches!
Me: Why your foot and not your hand?
Son: I can't use my hand.
Me: Why not?
Son: Because my foot is in it and it's full!

We have a little girl in our pre school who is a real fidget, she is always being told to put her bottom on the chair, floor or wherever it should be. (I'm sure you get the picture !) One day when she was partcularly jumpy, the supervisor said to her "where's your bottom supposed to be ?" The little girl looked at her for a minute and said "In my pants !!!"

Daughter, whining, speaking of the baby gate on our bedroom door: Mommmyyyyy! Open the door!
Me, smiling: No! I don't want you to come in my bedroom right now.
Daughter: I don't like this gate one bit. You need to take it back to the gate store!

Yesterday's Moment of Extreme Cuteness: One of the kids in my apartment complex (age 6) came over to tell me that he was going out of town with his aunt for three days. He was carrying a pair of walkie-talkies. I asked him a few questions about the trip, then ask if he wants a goodbye hug. His response was to hand me a walkie-talkie, step back five feet, and whisper "yes" into his. And then run back over for the hug.

My boyfriends younger sister and step-sisters go to day camp, they started a new camp today.
Me: Did you make any friends at camp today?
Evie: I made some friends and some bad guys
Me: What are your friends named?
Evie: Nora (her twin sister), Lena... Rose. And maybe more.
Me: Very cool, they sound nice.
Evie: James is a bad mean girl. She's a bad guy.
Me: Oh yeah? Why?
Evie: She's got a boy name.

We had the school disco last Friday, afterwards my daughter informed me that it wasn't really a disco.
Her: I liked the disco but it wasn't really a disco.
Me: What was it?
Her: It was a dance.
Me: I don't think there's much difference.
Her: There's cool dancing at a disco, but they had us doing the chicken dance, that's not cool.
She's got a point there.

Niece: (Points to cake on table) You really shouldn't leave chocolate cake just laying around where i can see it. I'm going to steal it and stick my fingers in it when nobody is looking.
My mom takes the cake and puts it in a different room.
Niece: I saw what room Grandma put the cake in. Now I can go stick my fingers in it and eat some.
Me: Well couldn't you just wait until after dinner and then have a whole big piece of cake and then you wouldn't even get in trouble for it?
Niece: (Big sigh) I guess so. But thinking about stealing some cake is this fun (holds arms wide apart), and thinking about having a piece of cake after dinner is this fun. (holds fingers apart a tiny bit)

The other night Ben did not want to go to sleep. I told him that this was fine, he could play quietly in his room instead. He said "I am not tired! I am going to play all night long!" Long pause. "I will be tired in the morning!"