Funny things kids say

Mark: "Mommy, I don't want you to see me do something bad."
Me: "Well, then don't do anything bad."
Mark: "No, I just don't want you to SEE me do anything bad. Go somewhere else."

Derek and Vincent have a collection of those cardboard bricks that initially have to be folded together to make them into their brick shape. I walked past Derek's room this afternoon to see him unfolding all of the bricks.
Me: Why did you take apart your bricks?
Derek: They're Transformers.
Me: Oh really? What have they transformed into?
Derek: Messed up bricks.

My three-year old was watching me eat a delicious zucchini side dish I made.
She asked sweetly, "Mamma, do you like that bikini?"

My brother took his family out to a buffet after church on Sunday. There was a woman there who was rather large, dressed in a grey suit and wearing a grey hat. The hat had a very wide brim and was pinned up in the front with flowers. My nephew who is two stared at the hat for a bit and looks at his mother and says "Momma, dat elephant?"

Our daughter has taken notice of the fact that male and female bodies are different. The other day, after being in our bedroom while my husband was getting dressed, she came out and told me that dad has a "big, long vagina."
We cleared things up.

This is more a did than a said, but the 18-month-old that I nanny for was hungry last night. He doesn't have a lot of words yet (yes, no, ta, Mama, Dada, two of his three brothers' names, cat, dog). He was getting hungry around 4:30 and asking, with gestures, for a biscuit (cookie). I thought, being so close to his dinner time, I'd try distraction, so I said "No biscuits now. How about we read a story?". He grinned and ran over to his stack of books, picking out one called "My First Book Of Shapes & Colours", which he loves. He sat down next to me, flipped the book open, flipped past the Circles page, the Squares page and onto Rectangles. He stabbed his finger at the picture of a biscuit in the middle of the page and said "THAT"
Okay. I get the message. Me: "You really want a biscuit, don't you?" Him: "YES! Ta! Ta!". For ingenuity and creativity, he got a biscuit.

Alright, so my step-siblings are staying with us this month. The 10 year old made friends with another 10 year old named Cortland. Dinner tends to be a rehashing of every funny thing Cortland said and/or did. Tonight we had this exchange:
"Cortland is rich because he has like, everything you could possibly buy."
"Uh-huh..."
"He said he's not rich though. Like, today he came out of his house and he said 'I'm not rich! My dad just got laid!' "
Cue 4 pairs of eyes latching onto him, including the giggling of his brother and sister, aged 14 and 12. He just looks around trying to figure out what the hell is so funny.
"Did you mean 'laid-OFF?' "
"Yeah!"
He forgot one very important word in that sentence.

Me: "Hey, G. What do you want to be when you grow up?"
G: *very seriously* "A man."
I almost fell over laughing.

Yesterday my son was in the bathtub, and he pulled the facecloth over his lap and said, "Where did peenie go?" Then he removed the cloth and yelled, "TA-DA!!!"

We were having pancakes, and my daughter asked "mum, are these pilots?", and we replied in confusion "er ... no, pilots are people who fly aeroplanes". It clicked a few minutes later that she meant pikelets

My son has recently proven he is definitely his (computer-obsessed) father's child: "Apple! Apple! Apple!" he declares proudly to all who will listen.
I can only pretend that he's talking about the fruit, and the Mac in his hands is pure coincidence.

We were in a department store today, and Will kept touching the displays. After being asked nicely infinate times, I lost my patience and dragged him over to the pram, and made him hang on, with the instruction, again, that he was not to touch anything. He looked at me for a microsecond, then came out with...
..."except the floor, with my feet!" (grin) and then he started spinning his arms around next to me and saying "I'm touching the air too!"

Ben and I were playing with his trains the other day, and he had his Little Engine that Could engine. This engine has a tall smokestack, and it doesn't fit under his tunnels and bridge arches. Ben would have the engine start up the hill to the bridge, and said "I am the engine that could! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!" Then he'd get to the top of the bridge, where the engine does not fit, and would gleefully say "I can't!"

My 3-year-old knows I don't like for her to watch TV because it will make her brains fall out, so the other day she appeased me by telling me, "Mommy, after I watched TV at daycare I went to play in the toy area and my brains flew back into my head."

The other day my two year old was playing on the floor with her doll and having a little conversation. She would ask her doll what different animals say and then answer it. "What cat say?" "Meow." "What donkey say?" "Hee-haw." She went through a whole list and then asked, "What Grandpa say?"
She didn't answer herself that time but I figured she had an answer in mind since she said it and I just had to know so I asked her, "What does Grandpa say?"
"Grandpa say, 'Hi shorty!'"

My 3.5yo son gleefully informed me last night of this little tidbit about my impending child birth:
"Mama, when you have the baby, its going to go up from your belly and out of your mouth!"
(He traced the path up my stomach to my mouth while telling me, and then began to laugh histerically. The bad mommy I am didn't correct him because I was laughing too hard.)

My daughter has a fondness for all things princess related. Anyway, she got a brand new pencil crayon box, so she was colouring pictures in her princess book. As she was colouring, she started to give her princess red hair. I asked is she was making her look like Ariel, her latest favourite princess. She replied, "No Mom, I'm not making them look like Ariel, I'm just making them look fa-a-a-bulous!"

"I loooooooooove Blake. He's so nice...except for when he calls me a butthead and puts glue in my hair."

A few days ago my daughter accidently knocked a bowl of chopped up apples off the table, she says "look mum. Mess!"

Alexander has been trying to ride Callie like a horse. All day today I have repeatedly told him "Callie is not a horsie".
Just now, he put both hands on each side of her face and said "Callie, you are NOT a horsie!"