Funny things kids say

One morning during my Fat Dad years, when my daughter was about six, I came down the stairs wearing a ratty pair of shorts and no shirt. Flab hanging everywhere. Hair unkempt and outstretched heavenward. Jabba the Hut, if you need a mental image. Seeing her sitting on the couch, deep in some chapter book, I proclaimed myself ready for work and headed toward the door. She looked up, caught sight of me, and said, "Dad, you can’t go to work like that." I stopped in my tracks, feigned offense and ignorance, and asked her why not. She put her had on her hip, gave me that look, with her eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, and calmly said, "You’ll gross people out and embarrass yourself."

3yo: Mira didn’t want to hold hands anymore today (at the school trip to a Provincial Park).
me: Why didn’t she want to hold hands?
3yo: (looking perplexed) She wants to hold the teacher’s hand.
me: Oh, that’s ok. Did you hold hands with another friend?
3yo: But mommy, one hand is for holding hands, and the other hand is for picking the nose!

Out of the blue, my daughter got off the couch this afternoon and said ...
"I’ll be right back, Mom."
"Where are you going?"
"I’m just going to get this party started."

In Australia, the Murray River is a very large river system that has so much water sucked out of it by irrigators that it just doesn't flow at all by the time it reaches the sea. It is a major political issue as the river crosses several states.
Her: Mum, I know why the Murray River doesn't flow!
Me: oh?
Her: Yes! Unicorns drink it! Big herds of unicorns come down and drink all the water!
Me: I'll let the Government know so they can do something about it.
Her: You can't kill unicorns! Unless you stab them under the left eye.

I was sitting with the baby watching the rain. She was fascinated but couldn't quite say "rain". I told her it was stuff that makes the cat want to stay inside.
So she immediately started calling the rain "cat water".
Maybe the phrase "raining cats and dogs" was coined by a toddler?

At the supermarket there is one of those large, plastic guide dogs with a money slot in its head.
My daughter decided she wants to live inside one of those when she grows up, living off the million dollar notes and chocolate coated money that people stick into the plastic dog. And how does she get locked into the dog? She'll ask her children to put her in there.

We took my dog to the vet once. She got neutered. It means she can't have puppies. We got my mom neutered too.

My three-year-old pooped in her plastic potty and then remarked, "Look, my poop made a letter so that I can learn to spell." It was an "A" and it retained its shape when I dumped it in the big toilet which we both found delightful.

Random comment during breakfast:
"I'm in Dumbledore's new office. Its too tall for the electric blanket. So I need to change it's shape."

The baby's new word is "hat". It just means anything that goes on your head.
It is very cute seeing her sit there with her bowl upside-down on her head announcing "Hat! Hat!", or when she puts her sippy cup or a shoe on your head and declares it to be a hat.

Aisha spotted a political magazine with a picture of a middle-eastern woman wearing a full length burka.
She pointed to it excitedly and said "is that a ninja?!"

The baby is learning a word a day - today's word is "dark" but it has mixed meanings.
You get "dark" when you turn off the light switch (which she calls a "hoo-hoo").
But then you get "darks". Darks go "quack quack quack".

Funniest thing said to me was about 30 years ago. I was minding the two-and-a-half year old next door child when I said I was going to change the sheets.
She looked at me sympathetically and said "did you wet the bed?"

Master Four had a nightmare the other night and wanted his 'real mummy', he was convinced that I was a pretend mummy that had been taken over by an 'alien life force' and I had to answer a series of VERY technical questions and sing our special song just to convince him it was me! 45 minutes later... perhaps it was the fact that I was wearing no makeup... hmmmmm....

"Daddy, who would in a fight between god and superman?"

When i was 3 i used to sit on my blow up chair and my brother accidently sat on me and the chair blew up! I ended up on the floor splat on top of the blown up chair. My mother says "Don't worry honey, it happens." Now i think who has it happened to?!

A friend of mine had chemo and lost all her hair. She went to her letterbox to get the mail. The little girl next door (5 yrs old) said to her "Did you dye your hair bald".

Leaning back with her head on my shoulder looking heavenward, Caelyn, says with an awe-struck sigh, "Poppy, I love the smell of the stars."

The summer my daughter was three she came running upstairs so excited to tell me
"Mommy! the flowers *talk*!!!"
I asked what they said...
"They said they don't have a problem with anything"
She ran back down and outdoors singing.

"If you became a vegetarian when you are 40, and you live until you are 90, you live for 50 more years!"
... soooo ... what's that got to do with being a vegetarian?