Funny things kids say

When I called home one day, my six year old son answered the phone. "Hello," he said, panting a little. I said, "Hi, Nick. Wow, you sound out of breath." He replied, "No, I have more."

I told my boys, aged 9 and 6, that I wanted to stop and get some hair coloring. My 6 year old asked what color I was getting and why. I told him that it was just to cover my gray and left it at that. They were like kids in a candy store, searching for the "perfect" color. We agreed on one, bought it, and left. That weekend, at church, a lady said she really liked the color of my hair. My 9 year old beamed and said, "Thanks, I picked it out!"

My 6 year old asked me "Mommy how do you make a baby." My reply: "You have to be married and then pray with your husband". A couple of weeks later we saw a couple that we know along with their 7 children at the grocery store. My daughter asked "how many kids do they have?" I said, "7". She said, "Wow they sure pray a lot." LOL

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

A father was at the beach with his children when the 4 year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

You really shouldn't say 'I Love You' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

My daughter has always been very observant. When she was 2 1/2, I was very much "with child". She asked why, and I explained that there was a baby in my tummy. Very thoughtfully she observed my body and very seriously asked, Is there a baby in your back, too?

Recently Mrs H made a very nice chicken dish. Lots of sesame, sauces etc. Delicious. Apparently not to the taste of children though.
Our youngest grandson, four years old, has verbal dyspraxia - bloody hard to understand most of the time, but improving with speech therapy. Still difficult though, especially when he’s excited (which is most of the time); his brain gets several sentences ahead of his tongue I think.
Anyway, he obviously wasn’t enjoying the chicken. Mrs H asked him what was wrong. He replied, perfectly clearly, and rather sadly, with a very disappointed look,
"Chicken is supposed to be really nice. This isn’t nice at all!"
You can’t criticise a child for being honest.

I know teaching reception children can be exhausting and somewhat frustrating due to their waning attention span and abundant energy.
However I was surprised to discover that my son's teacher had nicked named a couple of the more active boys the "Psycho Kids". The boys seemed to think this rather amusing.
The teacher luckily overheard their comments to me and through much laughter explained that she had actually called them her "side-kicks" as they had been very helpful the day before.
Now why is it they understood psycho more than side-kick?

"When I was a baby in your tummy could I see the food you ate?"

I was showing my 3 year old son how to walk on his tip-toes. He was doing pretty good but then began to walk on his heels. "LOOK Mommy!" he said, "I'm walking on my tippy-heels!"

One morning i went into my daughter’s room to wake her up for school and had my fringe plaited over to one side which i never do.
Daughter: Mum, why have you got a plait in your hair?
My answer: Because i have oily hair today and i am trying to disguise it.
Daughter: Mum, Plaits only look good on skinny people!!!

My four years old cousin asked me to help him with his Transformer the other day because, and I quote, he was having "a significant amount of difficulty".
Where he got that from I have no idea.

On our last family vacation, we decided to head to the Washington coast. "Where are we going?" my son asked. "We're going to Seattle," I answered back. My son asked the same question over and over, each time puzzled. We were both losing our temper when finally my son questioned "Dad, Who is Attle and why do we want to go SEE him?!?"

My 9 year old daughter had been banned from playing her DS for a week, and as there were only ‘baby shows’ on TV which her sisters were watching, and all of her books were ‘boring Mum’, I asked her what she would be interested in researching if I gave her a project to do. She chose snakes. I dutifully wrote her some questions, and she went away and worked on it for a good hour, during which time I finished up everything I was doing and had taken off to the supermarket to pick up some stuff for dinner. Anyway, as I walked through the door she raced up to me excitedly and presented me with her project, all questions answered in paragraph form and illustrated beautifully. She’s bursting with excitement; “Quick Mummy, mark it for me” (I’m a teacher)
I didn’t get past the first line before I nearly stopped breathing:
Question 1. What is the most venomous snake in the world?
Answer: The most venomous snake in the world is the Trouser Snake. It is found all over the world and lives in trousers.

One day I decided to give my kids some ‘sex’ education (my wife was too chicken) Our daughter was 8 and our son was 6. I was going quite well, but then I mentioned mum and dad had sex sometimes, not to have children, but for enjoyment. My daughter replied ‘What… in this house?’ She stormed off into her bedroom, packed her school case, and wanted to leave home ! I followed her around the block, and talked her into returning home after she cooled off. Our son was more concerned about his sister. ‘Is she coming home dad?’ The next day, everything returned to normal. Overall, I figured it was pretty painless…