Funny things kids say

Little brother: Mommy, we got you a present.
Big brother: That's a secret. Remember how you told me you were going to be a big boy and keep our secret?
Little brother: It's a camera!
Big brother: It's supposed to be a secret. Do you know what a secret is?
Little brother: Secrets are cameras.

While reading a book, but telling the wrong story:
Mom: ... that’s about little hoot wanting to go to bed EARLY, not about -
Daughter: *cuts me off exasperated* Well I don’t know how to read!! What do you expect?!

My husband and I had just picked up my stepson and somehow we were talking about sex, quietly and in a mature manner, and I turned around and asked my stepson if he knew anything about sex, and without any hesitation says, "No, I haven’t seen that movie yet!"

Following an explanation of why the father's grandparents weren't around anymore:
"Well you're old, and you're not dead."

Mom: “Son, did you know that Uncle is a doctor?”
Son leans in to sniff Uncle.
Son, with an incredulous look: “But he doesn’t smell like one!”

Me: I think we should try to find a bookstore.
L: I know a bookstore that we'll all really like.
Me: Do you know what's it's called?
L: No, but I know exactly where it is.
Me: Great! Where?
L: Right next to Starbucks.

Just before a ballet performance:
Me: I have my camera ready.
Her: I don't want you to take pictures of me. I want you to watch me.

Why was I born so cute?

Upon noticing the flowers in the cemetary: "I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers."

When getting a piggy back ride from me, I told him it was not a good idea. "Oh yes it is. You just have to go the chiropractor so many times and then you will be all good like Daddy."

While checking out at a store, my son told the cashier:
"You have such pretty yellow teeth"
I was like, omg! Thank God she appeared to not speak English well enough to have caught what he said.......
I remember telling my camp counsellor once that her skin was so pretty because it was shiny.

Mommy, you cannot hold me because I'm too busy.

When you were my age, you was just a baby!

Why don't they just do what they did in 1899?

In a preschool class I used to teach, we had two little girls who played every day that they were characters from classic Disney cartoons. One day I heard one calling the other "Allison." I didn't know a single Disney character named Allison, so I asked the little girl who she was today. She replied, "Allison Wonderland."

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.

We’re driving down the street and pass a couple of young men who are dressed in the traditional slacks, dress shoes, and white shirt with a tie. I ask my daughter if she knows why they’re riding while all dressed up, and who they are. She replies "they’re going to peoples houses to tell them about God. I think they’re called ROMANS." (She meant Mormons…) Needless to say, I almost had to pull over…

Son = Daaadd, why can poison kill you?
Dad = because it has bad things in it.
Son thinks for awhile.
Son = what bad things does it have in it?
Dad = (getting fustrated) oh, I dunno, arsenic.
Son thinks on this a little while.
Son = Dad, who’s Nick???

Mom, I’m going to take a bath so I can get clean and sober!