Funny things kids say

When my daughter was 3 we were visiting my mom in another state, in the summer, she was wearing a tank top and her "flabby" arms showed. Well my daughter walked up to her and said "nonny you have big jigglers my mom just has little ones!" We still laugh about it and measure our "jigglers" when we eat dessert!!!!

Heaven is a country too. If you are not nice you don’t get to heaven. But it doesn’t matter, I'd rather stay at home.

Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

While complaining to me about something her sister was doing in another room:
Her: "Mooooom!! My sister has something in her hand!! What is it?
Me: I don’t know! I can’t see her from here.
Her: *perplexed* Why can’t you see through walls?!?

Earlier in the day we past a restaurant that smelled like fish. Then when we went to the public washroom … and she said, "It smells like fish in here TOO!"

Mom: I love you so much! I love every last bit of you!
Her: Even my nipples?

After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, "Mom, I think the dog over-pooped."

When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”

After dinner tonight the kids were being especially LOUD. "BOYS!" I shouted, exasperated, and speaking slowly for emphasis. "MUM...WANTS...QUIET." Zach looked up at me innocently and said, "ZACH...WANTS...LOUD."

Son: Good morning mommy, I’m done sleeping. I was dreaming.
Mom: Oh really, what was your dream about?
Son: Oh gosh, I don’t think I can remember the whole thing, I never saw that one before.

I don’t do that anymore, I used to do that when I was three, but I grew out of it.

When my son was about 3 years old, he asked me if I had a penis. I said no, that only boys and men had them. He thought about it for a minute, then told me everyone had them, mine must have just fallen off! Even though I tried to explain that girls and women did not have them, he had already made up his mind and nothing I could say would change it.

Mommy! quick get me out of the bathtub! I stayed too long and now my fingers are pickles!

Mom: you have to behave sweetie, Santa is watching you!
Son: No, he’s not, mom. He’s at the mall, remember?

I am not cheating, I am just finding a new way to win!

Dad, you are not lucky. My sister just tinkled in your bed and now you have to sleep on pee for the rest of your life.

Ms. Myers, while you were sick we had several substitute teachers, and each one was just more beautiful than the next!

I love you, mom. Thank you for having me… and keeping me. Thank you for not putting me for adoption.

Mommy, I am so mad at you that I am going to be mad at you TOMORROW!!!!

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story
about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. - May I take you order?"