Funny things kids say

I went to the supermarket the other day with Miss 3 and was just talking to myself, "we need milk, bread, and anything else that jumps out".
She pipes up with "I love jumpy food. Its yummy!"

Today my four year old sister tried to convince me that yes, she is ready to date, that she and James are getting married when they start school, and that I should wear my blue dress to their wedding.

This isn't something funny my nephew said, but rather did. He's 1 and terrified of my mother's mini schnauzer. So she was showing him the dog was ok by feeding her treats. So my mother asked my nephew if he wanted to try (thinking he'd like to feed the dog if he were brave enough) and he nodded and opened wide for a treat too.

I was reading a book recently.
Son: "Mama."
Me: Yes, honey? *distracted*
Son: "Mama, look at me!"
Me: *looks at his grinning face, 6 inches from mine*
Son: "SMILE at me!"
How can you resist that?

5 yo: what is turkey made out of?
Me: Turkeys
5 yo: TURKEYS THAT WALK??!!
Me: Yep
5 yo: Everybody STOP eating the turkey...it used to be a turkey!!
A funny addition to that story is that she also stopped eating the Puffins cereal because I could not convince her that it was never a puffin bird.

We took our son on a trip that is usually 3.5 hours long, but can be much longer if you have a kid who is no longer in any sort of diaper/pull up.
Our son proclaimed he needed to "pee pee in BIG potty!" so we pulled over and my husband takes him to a tree and explains how little boys can pee pee outside on trees and it's OK to do if you have to go and you don't see a big potty. Our son goes and we are on our way. We get to the "hole-hell" (hotel ) and our son runs to the lobby and up to a fake tree where, yes you guessed it, he whips down his pants and proceeds to pee on this fake tree all while saying very loudly "Daddy said pee pee on tree!"

We were in Adelaide the other day and passed a really big cathedral. Miss Almost-4 took one look at it and went "That's HOOOGE! Its not going to fall down. It's stuck."

Miss Almost-4 spotted the cat in some thick plants in the backyard.
"Oh look its the cat! She's playing hide and seek! Oh no, she's not, she's sleeping."
Yup, that's what cats do.

Miss Almost-4 knows that everything we put on the compost heap is worm food.
Today I overheard her while she was staring into the compost heap.
"Look! A worm jumped out! And another worm! They like our food!"

Miss Almost-4 was stomping around the kitchen. I told her to be quiet because the baby was sleeping. Her reply:
"No, I'm being a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are really big and they go stomp stomp stomp really loudly."

We were out for a walk the other day and passed a car that was parked at an odd angle.
Miss 4 announced "They are parked really baddily. They can't park."

Long car trip. Three kids in the back seat. Smallest one fell asleep. Medium sized one was being very noisy and we told her to be quiet because her baby brother is asleep.
Miss 4 says very seriously, "He doesn't look like he's asleep. He looks like he's dead."
Miss 11 has clearly never thought about what dead people look like before and pipes up with a very surprised "he's not dead! He's breathing!"
Baby continues to sleep through the conversation.

I was making a quantity of Chocolate Pudding.
Whilst eating it was curious......
Grandson says - "Where did all the Milk go".

Grandson says to Grandmother.
Why do you have a clock outside.
Grandmother says. To tell the time when I'm outside.

Miss 4 has always called chicken drumsticks either "chicken handles" or "chicken bones". We recently bought some chicken flavoured crackers shaped like drumsticks, and she calls them "bone crackers".

After I picked my daughter up from her first day of Kindergarten, I asked her how her day was- "Fine", she said. I asked her if she had made any friends - and she told me that she had met a "Nice chocolate girl". I couldn't help but laugh and be mortified at the same time. I don't know why she called the girl chocolate, but then I had to explain that people don't come in flavors! LOL!

Miss 3 said, "My Daddy has a worm bottom".

A friend's child told me that girls pooped out babies while boys got jobs. Stereotypes are alive and well.

So I found something in the back of the fridge that still looked like it was OK and decided to eat it against my partner's advice. I said "I die you know what to blame".
Miss 4 pipes up with "you can't die mum, we need you!"

My two girls were having a conversation in the next room:
Miss 4: "I climb up my bookshelf to put things there."
Miss 11: "You CLIMB up your BOOKSHELF???"
Miss 4: "Yes, its a little bit scary"
Miss 11: "how do you do that?"
Miss 4: "The bookshelf is very heavy, it doesn't wobble. I'm small and it doesn't fall down"