Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story
about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. - May I take you order?"
Son: Good morning mommy, I’m done sleeping. I was dreaming.
Mom: Oh really, what was your dream about?
Son: Oh gosh, I don’t think I can remember the whole thing, I never saw that one before.
After dinner tonight the kids were being especially LOUD. "BOYS!" I shouted, exasperated, and speaking slowly for emphasis. "MUM...WANTS...QUIET." Zach looked up at me innocently and said, "ZACH...WANTS...LOUD."
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
We’re driving down the street and pass a couple of young men who are dressed in the traditional slacks, dress shoes, and white shirt with a tie. I ask my daughter if she knows why they’re riding while all dressed up, and who they are. She replies "they’re going to peoples houses to tell them about God. I think they’re called ROMANS." (She meant Mormons…) Needless to say, I almost had to pull over…
Son = Daaadd, why can poison kill you?
Dad = because it has bad things in it.
Son thinks for awhile.
Son = what bad things does it have in it?
Dad = (getting fustrated) oh, I dunno, arsenic.
Son thinks on this a little while.
Son = Dad, who’s Nick???
Mom, I’m going to take a bath so I can get clean and sober!
Heaven is a country too. If you are not nice you don’t get to heaven. But it doesn’t matter, I'd rather stay at home.
Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.
While complaining to me about something her sister was doing in another room:
Her: "Mooooom!! My sister has something in her hand!! What is it?
Me: I don’t know! I can’t see her from here.
Her: *perplexed* Why can’t you see through walls?!?