Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A: Because it had a virus.

Q: What do fish have on their birthday?

A: Fish cakes

Q: What is black and white and red all over?

A: A sunburnt dalmation

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

PATIENT: Doctor, Doctor I'm going to die in 59 seconds.
DOCTOR: Okay I'll be with you in a minute.