Q: What kind of teacher doesn't fart in public?

A: A private tutor

Q: What do you call a flying dog?
A: Ruff take off.

Three kids, walking through a forest. Suddenly they see a slide and a fairy, who tells them the slide is magic and whatever they shout as they're sliding down, they will land in a big pile of it.
First kid slides down and shouts 'ICE CREAM!' and lands in a big pile of strawberry ice cream. Eats it all.
Second kid slides down and shouts 'CHOCOLATE CAKE!'
Third kid forgets and shouts 'WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....'

Q: why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?

A: she was trying to make up her mind.

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash.