Funny things kids say

"Mommy, if John F. Kennedy, hadn’t been assassinated, he’d still be alive."

"Mommy, could you give me some snuggles? Because some tears are about to fall out of me."

"... is where things that are old. A museum is a magnificent place. Some museums have dino bones. Some have old-fashined things. Some have fun stuff. Some museums have art. Some museums have pictures."

... is in you when you sleep.

When Middle Brother was about 5 or so (?) he had a quite an impressive patch of poison ivy. It didn't start out that way – one day there was a little bit and by mid-afternoon the next day it was all over the place. I was babysitting so I was in charge of reapplying the Calamine lotion that day. Little people can't seem to stop from scratching & spreading that stuff all over the place.
Cotton ball in hand, I started applying the meds to the spot between his knees where the rash had started. Looking around, I realized that it had really spread. It had now spread to the other leg and covered most of the area between his legs up beyond the hem of his shorts.
"This is getting really bad! You’re just falling apart at the seams," I said.
Middle brother looked carefully at the seams in his shorts closest to the area where I had been dabbing on meds and said, "Where?"

I think I want to be a mommy because you don’t have a boss. You just listen to your heart.

My daughter was watching me while I was on Facebook, and saw my "friends." One of my friends uses an image of Edna Mode as her avatar. Edna is a character from The Incredibles, a movie our family loves, especially my daughter! In total amazement, she immediately said:
"You know EDNA!?!?!"

I love you so much I could eat you all up! (pause) But then I wouldn’t have a mama, and that wouldn't be good. (pause) But then we could sell your computer.

From my 8yo daughter:
Why do girls always get fanny hair? And why is it always brown? I want blonde fanny hair!
(I'm in Australia - fanny is the bit on the *front* not the back so she means pubic hair ... and my daughter is quite a dark a brunette!)

A kindergarten student was so excited to tell me that he got a new dog. "I got a new dog!" "Oh!, how wonderful! What kind?" I said. "a Sherman Leopard!" Needless to say, I lost it and gave him a big hug and found him a book about German Shepherds!

If I could be anything in the world ... I would be a golf ball.

Mommy! This is made in Italy! I thought everything was made in China!

Mom, when was color invented?

Mommy, why did you marry Daddy, do you know?

Mommy, do you know where the closest weapon factory is?

On a visit to our church during the week, my daughter runs up to our worship pastor (a young, single, very "guy" kind of man) and says, "My mommy has a baby growing in her uterus!" Stunned, and maybe a little embarrassed, he looked at me, then looked at our mutual friend (the children’s director), looked at my daughter, then looked at our friend ... grasping for a little help at how to respond. Finally, our friend nodded her head, and simply said, "yes." At this point I think he finally exhaled and said, "Right on. Congratulations."

So we’re reading a bed time story last night, when E decides he needs to go get something.
Me: But I’m reading the story, and you’ll miss it.
E: JUST PAUSE IT!

The other day my nursing toddler told me that I can only get kisses on the days that we nurse (right now we are nursing 2X per week). He said that Daddy can’t have any kisses because Daddy doesn’t nurse him. I asked him "what about grammy? She gets kisses, but she doesn’t nurse you" and he said "Grammy can have kisses because she doesn’t live with us" LOL – had me cracking up!!

setting: in the car on the way home from dinner out.
j: mommy?
me: yes?
j: i farted.
me: you did?
j: like daddy.

When my son was little, he and I had a funny conversation around the time his sister was about to have her first child:
Son: "Mom, if it’s a boy, I will be an uncle right?"
Me: "Yes."
Son: "And if it’s a girl, I will be an aunt?"
Me: "NO, you will still be an uncle."