Funny things kids say

It was a cold, clear night last night so we got very heavy frost. My daughter came running into the bedroom in the morning and announced that it was "pitch white outside".

While on the phone to my sister, her little boy Alec was having dinner in the background - partway through the conversation, I heard him yell out "DANA! HELP! MUM'S TRYING TO POISON ME WITH SAUSAGES!"

Marc was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

On one of his first trips out of the house without a diaper, our father took J to a hardware store. My father got distracted and J wandered away. Dad soon heard him yelling "I did it! I go potty!" and found him clapping and dancing next to a display toilet in the plumbing department.

On Friday my daughter had tuck, which cost $3, and I sent her with a $5 note.
On Monday before she went to school I asked her for the change, which resulted in this conversation:
Her: "But I already gave you the change!"
Me: "No you didn't"
Her: "Yes I did!"
Me: "No you didn't"
Her: "I did too. I remember it." *rummages in bag*
Me: "No you didn't"
Her, finding the change envelope in her bag: "What did you put it back in my bag for!"

"There's only one thing I want to do, and that is read a book or do a puzzle."

A lady I work with took her mother and her 5 year old niece to a doctor appointment. While waiting for her mother to be seen by the doctor, she noticed her niece looking at an Amish lady. Noticing the bonnet the lady was wearing, the niece walked over to the lady and asked, "Are you Mother Goose?" My friend was mortified.

My dad has had a full beard since retiring from the National Guard. He's also a large guy (6'3", over 250). He was at a Thanksgiving thing at my sister's preschool when she was about 4. They had some weird turkey roll thing for "dinner". One of the little boys sitting there looked at him, seriously and at length, and then asked, "Are you the guy who shot the turkey?"

Me: I got your nose!
Him: I got a new one!

While walking with a group of second graders to lunch today, I overheard them talking "politics." As they passed the election display in the hall, one of them started talking about how cool "my Uncle Bomma" is. A bunch of others repeated how much they liked "my Uncle Bomma," too.
As I walked along thinking WTF?, it occurred to me that in the 7-year-old brain, the sounds of the name Barack Obama have translated to "my Uncle Bomma."

K has a twin sister and another little sister. When asked what she thought about the fact that the new little baby would also be a girl, her response? "Poor Daddy..."

"The North Pole is covered in snow! Polar bears live there! The North Pole is really cold! It's so cold, only Mexicans can live there."
Er, what? Mum and I looked at each other. "What do you mean? Who lives there?"
"Only Mexicans! Because it's so cold!"
"Really?"
"Yes! They live in igloos made from the snow! And they wear big fur coats!"
Oh right. Eskimos.

This morning, completely out of nowhere, my nearly-3 asked "What's a number cruncher?"
When I explained that they added up numbers and looked at the information, he asked "Do they drink coffee?"
I just stared. Really, I don't know where the heck he got that.

Is that when mommy came to work for us?

Clinton was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

Mr. A's Son: Aimee, what is the name of God?
Me: It's God, that's his name.
Mr. A's Son: No, what's the name of God?
Me: It's just God.
Mr. A's Son: Then why does Daddy always say, "What in the NAME of God are you doing in there?"

None of our friends smoke. The only person my kids had seen smoking was their nan. One day a guy came to visit and he lit a cigarette. My daughter just kept staring at him (she was about 5). I said "what's the matter?". She said "But he's not a nanna". She assumed only nanna's smoked.

Liam told me yesterday, "Mommy, the very first time I saw a bat, I thought it was the mammal equivalent of a dragon." He was very intense and sincere when he said it. I said I'd never thought of it, but I thought he was right. He lectured me on the myriad reasons why a bat was NOT the mammal equivalent of a dragon. (Size, lack of fire breath, interest in eating humans, etc.)

We were driving up and down the Vegas strip the other day and to keep my 6 year old cousin entertained we were playing ISpy. After about a million years of trying to figure out what she is seeing that is yellow she goes "No! It's uncle's teeth!" Ah to be 6 again.

Today a little voice from the back seat said, "Mommy, I want more mucus!"
Apparently music is a hard word to say.