Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: How many people does it take to fix an ice cream van?
A: 100s and 1000s

Q: why did the football cross the road?

A: to score a touch down!

Q: Why did the squirrel cross the road?

A: Because he was nutty!

Q: How do crazy people get through the forest?

A: By taking the psycho path!