Q: What do elves learn at school?

A: The elf-abet

Q: Were you long in the hospital?

A: No, I was the same size I am now

Q: What is a cats favorite button on a remote?

A: The paws button.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What do you call a fly when it retires?
A: A flew