Q: why did the elephant paint his toe nails red?

A: so he can hide in the strawberry patch

PATIENT: Doctor, Doctor I'm going to die in 59 seconds.
DOCTOR: Okay I'll be with you in a minute.

Q: If a plane was going to America and it crashed on the Canadian border, where would they bury the survivors?

A: Nowhere, because they dont bury survivors, they only bury dead people.

You're pretty!
Thanks!
... pretty ugly

You're funny!
Thanks!
... funny looking

Three kids, walking through a forest. Suddenly they see a slide and a fairy, who tells them the slide is magic and whatever they shout as they're sliding down, they will land in a big pile of it.
First kid slides down and shouts 'ICE CREAM!' and lands in a big pile of strawberry ice cream. Eats it all.
Second kid slides down and shouts 'CHOCOLATE CAKE!'
Third kid forgets and shouts 'WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....'