Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?

A: Because it was not peeling well!

Q: How does the sea say hello?

A: It doesn't, it just waves

Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?

A: The outside!

Q: What do you get when you cross a book with an egg??

A: A yolk book!!