Q: What did the snail say when he got a ride on a turtle?
A: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Q: What is green and sings ?
A: Elvis parsley

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What does jam say when it accidentally tells a secret?

A: Jammit!

Q: What game do elephants play in a Volkswagen?
Q: Squash