Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: What did the snail say when he got a ride on a turtle?
A: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea!
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no idea!!

Q: why are anteaters and aardvarks so healthy?

A: they are full of anty-bodies!

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?

A: Because he needed a third quarter.