You know you are fat when you get on the scales it says "one a time please!"

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q: why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: because he was looking for Pooh!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Pika
Pika-Who?
PikaChu!

Q. What do frogs drink?
A. "Croaka Cola"