Q: What did one basket say to the other basket?

A: I weave you.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor: oh, pull yourself together.

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a pack of playing cards.
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snooker ball.
Doctor: Please get to the end of the cue.

Patient: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me!
Doctor: next!

Patient: Doctor Doctor the invisible man is in the waiting room
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

Q. Why did the golfer take two pairs of pants to the golf match

A. In case he got a hole in one!!!

Q: What are two things you can't have for lunch?
A: Breakfast and dinner!

Q: What is black and white and red all over?

A: A sunburnt dalmation