Giraffian's quotes

The cat was sitting on top of a bench and I patted her as I walked past. The cat reared up to smooch my hand, lost her footing, and almost fell off the bench. My daughter called out "Mum! The cat has lost her cleverness!"

Aisha was telling me that when she is rich and famous, she's changing her name to Aisha Jan, just like Jesus Christ. This confuses me, so I push for details. After much more confusion, I finally realise what she is on about.

A few weeks ago she discovered that Jesus was born on Christmas day. She was very surprised, and we explained that was why Christmas is called Christmas ... Jesus Christ, Christmas, Christ, Christmas, get it? Aisha is born in January. So she wanted the first syllable of January, the same way Jesus got the first syllable of Christmas. Hence, Aisha Jan.

I was picking my daughter up from a party the other night, and since I am breastfeeding I didn't want to linger too long. Turned out they'd started eating late, so after they'd finished eating I'd already been there almost an hour. Finally drag her kicking and screaming to the car and we have this conversation:

Her: "Why didn't you bring the baby?"
Me: "It's a party, it's full of loud noises and strange people"
Her: "You could have left her in the car"
Me: "Erm, no, you can't do that"

Thankfully your average 7yo neither has kids nor drives.

They call them hundreds and thousands because there are squillions of them!

Her: You know what I heard some people do?
Me: No, what?
Her: They go around and pull ladies boobies off!
Me: And where did you hear that?
Her: Jordan
Me: And does Jordan usually tell the truth?
Her: No
Me: So do you believe him?
Her: No, cos there's noone in the town with missing boobies.